I’m Sorry Jenny, Your Books Are Too Smart For Me

I read 104 pages of Chuck Klosterman’s Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs and still have no idea what it is about.  I understand he is talking about pop culture in a sarcastic way which I appreciate, but he is being a bit overly academic for my taste.  And damn has that guy watched a lot of TV.  He openly admitted to seeing every episode of The Real World “at least” three times.  If this guy wasn’t busy writing books that make me feel like an idiot I would feel sorry for him.

This book feels like a cross between a BS liberal arts class (I can say that – I have a liberal arts degree) and People Magazine.  I can really only follow the People parts, and am going to swallow my pride and put this in the “return to friend who clearly thinks I am smarter than I am” pile.  Sadly, there are at least two books there.  For the record, there are zero books in the “I’m too smart for this crap!” pile.

Ok, NOW You've Seen Everything

Apparently carrying a clutch that looks like a book is a trend.  As someone who adores both books and dresses, I think these beautiful ladies all look ridiculous.  I also can't help but wonder which titles are available as purses.  I would want a book called Just Holding This Wallet or The Clever Tampon Holder.


Source: people.com



Even A Computer Can Predict Books I Like

Amazon, you get me.  After analyzing my selections, amazon.com recommended an awesome book to me, so I give full credit to whoever made the formula that figured that one out.  Probably someone who knows how to use Excel.

Little Bee by Chris Cleave is a really good book.  It’s got some of my go-to good book ingredients – sad, inspirational, poor people – but told in a whole new way.  It’s not a true story, but I still felt smarter after I read it.  I in no way deserve to feel smarter, especially given my miserable lack of Excel skills.

I am probably overstating Amazon’s genius on this one since it is a New York Times Bestseller with over a million copies in print.  But it was new to me, and I can’t wait to put it on my lending list – ladies, you know who you are.



Mom: best known as first on the book lender list
and for her turkey sausage stuffed shells.



Oddly, a Rather Informative Posting

I am a Bookworm of many interests.  My Twitter profile lists these as books, dresses, dinner, travel and beer.  I’d say that sums me up pretty well.

My favorite form of eating is anything cooked by Bookworm Senior, my Mom.  But when that fails, I like food cooked by anyone else.  In the direst of occasions, I cook for myself.  Such was the case this week on family vacation.

On vacation in the Outer Banks, the family policy is simple.  Everyone cooks one night, and provides music during dinner.  This year, we added a signature drink as well.  I didn’t know this curveball was coming, but fortunately never plan a dinner without thinking through the beverage so I was prepared anyway.  (Phew.)

As for the meal, of course I turned to a book.  This book was given to us by Andrew’s parents the year they gave us a grill.  We’ve had great luck with Better Homes and Gardens® New Grilling Book.  The meal didn’t kill anybody, so I consider it a great success.  Our meal included:

·         Steak with avocado sauce

·         Asparagus with dill (dill grown in the garden)

·         Caprese salad (arugula and basil grown in the garden)

·         Italian bread (purchased – don’t judge me)

·         Firefly Lemon (add water and ice – boom!  Family giggles ensue)

Then my Mom stole the show by making her pineapple margarita cupcakes.  Interestingly, cooking skills are not hereditary.

Here is how to make the avocado sauce:

Ingredients

8 ounces fresh tomatillos, husked and quartered (6 medium)

2 ounces cream cheese

1 avocado, halved, seeded, peeled and cut up

¼ cup green onions (2)

½ teaspoon salt

In a small saucepan, bring tomatillos and water to boiling; reduce heat.  Cover and simmer for 5-7 minutes or until tomatillos are soft.  Drain.  Stir in cream cheese until melted; cool mixture slightly.  In a food processor or blender combine tomatillo mixture, avocado, sliced green onions and salt.  Cover and blend until smooth.  Transfer sauce into serving bowl. 

Recipe says it makes 4-6 servings, but I easily served 10 people and had leftovers.  It’s plenty of sauce since it is ultra-flavorful.  Enjoy!

Laziness That Will Astound You & Maybe Even Impress A Couple Of You

I am one lazy Bookworm. This week I have found myself struggling to do things like switch from sitting in a chair to laying down, getting up to fetch a beer from the cooler 2 feet away, and yes even updating my beloved blog. I aim to right all three of these wrongs today by tanning my back, drinking tons of beers and of course this blog entry. Please appreciate my Go Get 'Em Attitude.

One thing that takes very little effort is finishing a good book like The Concubine's Children by Denise Chong. I did this during my aforementioned sitting down, which occurred on the beach in Corolla, NC. By now you know that I love a good sob story, and for some reason read about China on vacation. (Please see fancy new "Popular Posts" section on the right for reference.). This book checks both boxes, though it didn't make me cry so much as angry at bad parenting, which is a subset I enjoy within the broader "sob story" category. Plus, it has the added bonus of being a true story, so it's good to know that this hard drinking pretty slutty concubine was the real deal. She could be President and CEO of The Bad Girls if that exclusive club was also into child neglect, which it is not.

I am contemplating a switch from sitting to standing, and will therefore leave this post a cliffhanger. Will she stand? The world may never know.

You'll Never Get This Two Minutes Back, Reader

I just ignored 3 meeting invites. That's right people - I'm on vacation.

Our drive down yesterday was a literary adventure. Due to technical difficulties, we drove the first hour without an audiobook to secure family peace and cooperation. Luckily this bookworm "discovered" the game of Scrabble I had downloaded to my iPad months ago.

In Andrew's world, the only thing worse than playing Scrabble is listening to the narrative of me Playing Scrabble. (Though for the record, my first play was S-H-U-T-T-L-E. That's 7 letters for a whopping 76 points. With stories like this I should have a million followers and win any available Wife Of The Year awards.)

So Andrew promptly tried not one but two gas stations to get us a set of earbuds we could share and listen to our soft spoken narrator. (Who I know would be impressed with my Scrabble prowess!)

Note to friends: if I ever comment on any dips in blog audience, please remind me of the soon-to-be-infamous "Scrabble Posting." I think we can all agree that a new low has been reached. My book editor has quite the task ahead!

Bookworm Clings Desperately to Funnier, More Popular Blog

If there is anything I know from working in advertising, it’s that sometimes the agency needs to start an assignment before being officially briefed.  In some cases, the work can get approved faster than the assignment itself.  Such is the case with getting my official assignment from The Bad Girl for a summer read.

Bad Girl recommended the Lovetini at Osaka
to Bookworm in 2010.  Bookworm promptly
 ordered another beer.

Knowing what I do about the Bad Girl Lifestyle, which includes poolside relaxation by day and vodka in any form by night, I am confident in my summer book recommendation.  Please read Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler.  This book is hilarious in the cover-your-face-with-embarrassment brand, and perfect for the single girl lifestyle.  While I don’t recommend following the ways of Handler (who is still single), I do think that laughing at her antics will inspire the poolside lounger to get back on the horn at Banditos as nighttime approaches.

Bad girl, please complete this assignment and follow up with a recap.

Bookworm Confessions – Baseball Edition

Somehow this has become a blog that is mostly about books but sometimes about Pirates baseball.  I have written about those loveable losers not just once but twice, and now again today.  I think I owe my readers an explanation.

On Andrew’s last birthday I got him the MLB package so he could watch his beloved “Bucs” at home.  It’s just like living in the Greatest City of All Time Pittsburgh!  (His words, not mine.)  So lately when I have been trying to transport myself to, say, the African bush – I am constantly distracted by the Pirates game that is on in the background.  So don’t be alarmed if I start referring to books as a “homerun” or “walk to first base.”

Andrew is as good at growing carrots
as the Pirates are at playing baseball.

Bookworm Wields Power, Insults Pirates Baseball Twice

A book blogger has immense power.  Here are two ways I can describe the same book.

Sample 1:  When the Lion Feeds by Wilbur Smith is a 500 page book about a man in Africa in the late 1800’s.

Sample 2:  When the Lion Feeds by Wilbur Smith is an epic adventure novel about the rise and fall of one man’s fortune in developing Africa.

See what I did there?  Boy am I clever.

This is a good book, and apparently there are many in this series about the Courtney family.  My husband is really into these books, which made me assume they would be about as interesting as Pirates baseball once .500 is no longer reality (approximately late June).  But honestly, the book was action-packed and had a really great story.  Not like Pirates baseball at all!

Top Reader Delights & Betrays Bookworm

My Top Reader Katherine has decided to start her own hilarious blog about her new and exciting single life.  Likely by the end of the week I will no longer have the most popular blog in a 4-cubicle radius at the office.

So while Top Reader is out on crazy dating adventures for blog content, I will continue to plug away on the book I am reading about Africa in the late 1800s.  We’ll see which people are more interested in reading about!

Former Friends Turned Bitter Blog Rivals.
Photo taken in April '09.  Yes, I wear black turtlenecks in the spring.

Bookworm Pats Self on Back After Successful Lending Spree

Possible Blog Reader and Often Book Trader Jenny brought a pile of books back to me this week.  She is probably the fastest reader I know, and when I asked her what she thought of the books she said she “liked them all.”  A concise and excellent review that reflects on their owner, don’t you think?  I will write a review of each that will be at least one sentence longer than hers.  Here I go:



Desperate for photo content, I took a picture
of books referenced on my messy desk.



·         South of Broad by Pat Conroy: Richmonders, don’t be fooled.  This is about Broad Street in Charleston, SC not the River City.  This book is not as good as Conroy’s most famous The Prince of Tides or even Beach Music but this guy sure knows how to craft a story.  I think most people would enjoy this one.

·         Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell:  This may have been my favorite of his books, but like with any of Gladwell’s books, you have to be in the mood.  He is a pro at finding out “why” stuff happens, and making it interesting.  In this case, he writes why certain folks are able to be super duper successful.  Fun facts include:  you can be a “pro” at almost anything if you dedicate 10,000 hours to working on it; most professional hockey players in Canada were born in January, February and March.  I am a real hit at cocktail parties as you can imagine.

·         Muriel’s War: An American Woman in the Nazi Resistance by Sheila Isenberg:  Not my favorite WW2 memoir, but I did think it was fascinating that an American woman stuck around so long in Nazi-controlled Austria, especially after admitting to her University that she was Jewish. 

·         The Man from St. Petersburg: Another win for Ken Follett.  This was one of his suspenseful books versus what I call his “epic novels.”  I like the epic pieces the best, but this guy is a genius so who am I to judge?

Pressure is on for me to find books to lend to Jenny for her upcoming production trip to South Africa.  I feel like I have her fate in my hands – a bad book can really ruin a long international flight (cue evil laughter).  But I wouldn’t do that.

You Can Never Be Too Prepared To Lay Around and Do Nothing

A week from today I am going to the Outer Banks for a week, so this weekend I did some prepping. In my world this includes but is not limited to:

·         Buying new flip flops since mine are basically held together by a string the width of dental floss.

·         Replacing the shower curtain liner so the house sitter thinks that we are super clean people who definitely have our act together.  We need her 100% focused on snuggling our dog and not scared for her life in our bathroom.

·         Successfully convincing husband to purchase a second bathing suit.  Coming off of a two year campaign to buy a new pair of jeans, this second victory should inspire wives everywhere.  Don’t give up – you can do it!

·         Casually suggesting (repeatedly, but not too often) that we select our audio book for the car.  This item is still outstanding. 

·         Selecting good books for the trip.  I purchased a few last week from Amazon, and my mom is bringing a couple down as well, so hopefully I’ll have some winners.  I am 100% confident in the pineapple margarita cupcakes she is bringing and 95% confident in the books. 

The real winner in my weeklong beach reading vacation is my blog audience.  I am doing this for you guys.  Both of you.

Picture taken in Duck, NC Aug '10.  Guy in red is Blog Mocker Dave.
This is where I will be thinking of nothing but how to please my blog
readership by regaling them with beach reading tales.

Read This Book, Then Hug Your Mom Unless You Are a Robot Without Emotions

I worked a bit this past weekend, including the Sunday night at 2 a.m. shift, which makes me sound more like a bartender than the Impressive Advertising Professional I want you to think I am.  Either way, I got to head out early on Monday to rest up.  I think in my boss’ mind that meant taking a nap, but to me it meant drinking a caffeinated drink and reading in the yard.  And then napping.

Bookworm & Andrew on a ferry to a Pirates game.
Date: approximately one million years ago.

I grabbed a book of Andrew’s from the shelf with an inscription from his Mom in 2006.  At first I thought One More Day by Mitch Albom was an odd selection for my mother-in-law to gift, knowing that Andrew probably wouldn’t be game for a sentimental read from the author best known for Tuesdays with Morrie.  But after I read it, I realized that it was a really thoughtful choice, since it is about a man who briefly played for the Pittsburgh Pirates (Andrew’s favorite team) and his relationship with his mother.  Of course Andrew hasn’t come to realize this yet, but he has only had the book for five years.  Get off his back!

I didn’t want to like this book for some reason – I wanted to think it was cheesy and Nicolas Sparks-y, but it wasn’t.  But it actually made me feel sentimental and want to give my Mom a hug, which I think is exactly what Albom was going for.  Damn you for playing with my emotions, Mitch!  It’s a short book that could be read in one long afternoon on the beach. 

(Side note: Why do people always turn books into beach reads?  I read plenty of other places!  Like in my garden, or in First Class on a plane, or in Economy Class on a plane, or while driving.)

Bookworm rating: 3.5 beach balls out of 5.

A Clever Scheme to Avoid Grumpiness, Prolong Marriage

In honor of Andrew and my two year wedding anniversary today, I’d like to blog about the only book we’ve ever read – okay listened to – together.  This weekend we finally finished Ken Follett’s A Dangerous Fortune, an audio book we purchased right after Christmas to listen to on the scenic drive back home from Andrew’s parents in Pittsburgh.  Also, that drive is not scenic at all.  It is all highway, punctured with a few mountain views most notable for their lack of radio stations.

But Follett never disappoints, and what could have been a pretty grumpy ride home in inclement weather was a ride full of mystery, intrigue and still the not-so-good weather.  Follett was a perfect choice for us, since I think he is one of few authors that appeals to almost everyone.  I cannot even imagine how his brain comes up with such complex and interesting stories – I think he is a genius.  I highly recommend this book as a great read or listen.  I’m not sure how we’ll ever face I-68 through Frostburg, Maryland again without a British man doing 77 different voices.

This is how we felt after finishing our audiobook.  And also on our wedding day.
Love you, Andrew!  (You better be reading this blog.)

Tina Fey Wins at Life; Bookworm a Distant Second (If Only Two Parties Are Racing)

This week, I took a day trip to NYC and read a book by one of my favorite New Yorkers – Tina Fey.  Her new book Bossypants is awesomely hilarious and entertaining.  I have been a fan of Saturday Night Live since high school, and can even admit to owning SNL Trivial Pursuit, which I know makes me very cool.  Therefore it is no surprise that I would purchase and fall in love with this book which made me laugh out loud.

Now I will highlight the parallels in Tina’s life and mine:

·         Tina: Went to the University of Virginia.  Me:  From Virginia, but likely not smart enough to attend UVA.  But I was smart enough not to apply and find out.

·         Tina:  Moved to Chicago after college.  ME TOO! 

My Tina Fey impression is not as good as her Sarah Palin.

·         Tina: Was a member of the famous and cool Second City Theater improv troupe.  Me:  Was a non-contributing member of an unsuccessful college sketch comedy group.

·         Tina:  Stars in and produces an Emmy Award winning TV show.  Me: Is a cog in a machine that makes TV commercials.  We are both in “the business.”

·         Tina:  Defined Geek Chic with her librarian glasses look.  Me:  Convinced my mom and an optometrist at the mall that I needed glasses in ’01 because I got headaches from reading.  I do not need glasses.  I think I was either reading in the dark or hungover.  Tricked you again, science!

So far, Tina is beating me in life.  But I have perfect vision – so I can see she is beating me.  I bet she doesn’t even know.

Sex Scenes & Laundry

I just finished a book lent to me by Loyal Reader Mom – A Reliable Wife  by Rovert Goolrick.  It was, um, kinda smutty actually.  It’s been no easy task to review books without giving the story away, since I think even the backs of books give away too much.  But if we were going to have a conversation about this book, here is how it would go.

You:  Give me the 90 second outline of the story – I probably won’t read it anyway.

Bookworm:  (Does so.)

You:  Wow, what an interesting a suspenseful tale you have spun, Bookworm / Robert Goolrick.  Tell me more about it for say, another 90 seconds.

Bookworm:  Ok.  (Proceeds to describe dramatic sexual fantasies of a repressed soul as well as from one or more prostitutes.)

You:  Oh wow.  This conversation is now a bit uncomfortable.

So, all in all it was a great story line, but written in a pretty weird way.  I played the squeaky clean version of a Reliable Wife in my home this week and did my husband’s laundry for the first time ever.  And by do his laundry, I mean that I washed and folded one load, and a second load has been sitting in the dryer for two days.  I am who I am.

Photo reference is of laundry, not sex scene.  Looks like you lose on this one, reader!

I Just Think This Is Funny



Credit: http://www.bookshelfporn.com/

 And it just so happens to be true.