You Waited Two Months For a Conspiracy Theory If That’s What This Even Is

Since the last time a blog was posted to the internet and no one was there to read it, I have read two books:

The Bakers Daughter by Sarah McCoy – Excellent/WWII-y

The Orphan Master’s Son by Adam Johnson – Slow read / Pulitzer Prize / Ugh

Now I am 99 pages into Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh (which has been recommended to me by several people).

AN ASIDE  (which will eventually go somewhere, I promise)

I kept a diary as a kid.  At first I started every entry as “Dear Diary” in a specific handwriting which wasn’t mine.  I believe the ‘i’ was dotted with a heart and that I stole this idea from the Babysitters Club books. 

Later, I started addressing my diary as ‘Kitty,’ which was blatantly stolen from Anne Frank.  That’s right, I STOLE FROM ANNE FRANK.   So that’s pretty bad.

But after 99 pages of Hyperbole and a Half  (which is about 5 pages of a normal book because of insane illustrations) I am afraid that writer Allie Brosh stole my book friend Kristin.  Her language and tone is exactly EXACTLY how she talks.  If I were Kristin I would drop everything and call the Richmond City Police immediately, who I am pretty sure has a 24/7 ‘no case is too big or too small’ literature division and report this crime.

Ok, Kristin did lend me the book so that could affect my wild accusations, but still.  There are turns of phrase that are outright stolen, and Kristin says she didn’t write this book.

HOLD ON A DAMN SECOND

I think my friend Kristin wrote a book full of weird pictures and now calls herself “Allie Brosh” when we are outside of work.  Kind of a weird name choice since I am Allison, but maybe that makes it doubly secret.  I am on to you, Kristin/Allie!